It’s hard to see a friend suffer, especially when their alcohol problem is causing harm. Substance use disorders, including alcohol and drug abuse, can lead to erratic, irresponsible, and even abusive behavior, which may strain relationships and create health problems. When someone’s better qualities are overshadowed by negative behaviors, they may face difficulties at home and work, financial or legal troubles, and struggles with mental health issues. Seeing a friend experience emotional turmoil, such as denial, anger, shame, or fear, and possibly lashing out at others, is painful. Ignoring their problem may worsen their behavioral health challenges, leaving them vulnerable to further complications.
If you’re wondering how to help your friend, you need to educate yourself about alcoholism, then talk to your friend and see if they’re open to change. Encourage them to seek help, perhaps by referring them to a healthcare provider for medical advice or an alcohol detox program. This way, you can support them and help them recover in a way that improves their life, wellness, mental health, and benefits everyone.
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Recognizing the Signs of Alcoholism in a Friend
We all think the best of our friends, but no one is perfect. If you notice your friend seems troubled, impulsive, and quick to anger, and they spend a lot of time drinking, they may be misusing alcohol. Common signs of alcoholism include:
- regular bouts of heavy, inappropriate, and out-of-control drinking that disrupt daily life
- irresponsible or dangerous behavior like driving drunk and getting into alcohol-fueled fights
- neglecting responsibilities at home, work, or school
- binge drinking or getting blackout drunk
- lying about alcohol consumption
- using alcohol to self-medicate or cope with life
- continuing to drink, even when it causes problems
Alcoholism is not defined by how much someone drinks but by how drinking affects their life. Occasional drinking is different than alcoholism. Social drinking is normally acceptable when it has few negative consequences, while problematic drinking can lead to behavioral and health issues. Since people respond differently to alcohol, it can be hard to know when a friend’s drinking has crossed the line into alcohol abuse.
If you think your friend’s drinking is causing problems in their relationships or leading to trouble at work, it may help to express your concerns early before the problem escalates. Keep in mind, however, that your friend has to be open to what you have to say and that only a doctor or licensed specialist can diagnose alcohol use disorder. Before you approach your friend and offer support, you should educate yourself about alcohol abuse and its symptoms.
How to Support a Friend without Enabling
Sometimes, it can be hard to know how to show your friend kindness without making their problem worse. To help your friend recover, you’ll need to set boundaries while being compassionate and non-judgmental.
Setting Boundaries
It can be difficult to deal with an alcoholic friend if they make demands that make you uncomfortable. To provide support and maintain your relationship in a healthy way, you’ll need to set boundaries. Start with respect and kindness, even if your friend is behaving badly. Communicate clearly, and say “no” if your friend asks you for a favor that could cause harm, like giving them money or hiding their drinking from their partner. Other reasonable boundaries might include:
- not making excuses for your friend’s drinking
- not drinking with your friend or giving them alcohol
- not putting up with abusive, drunken behavior
Setting limits with a friend can be hard, but if you enable their behavior, they may be less likely to seek help. You need to stand firm with your boundaries, even if it upsets your friend. Explaining your position can help smooth things over if they understand where you’re coming from, but you don’t need to justify yourself or apologize if they disagree. Also warn them about what might happen if they disregard your boundaries, and be consistent about enforcing consequences. Let your friend know that if they change their actions, the relationship is likely to improve. Also be willing to listen; if you can provide an alternative that helps your friend, like going to a movie together, you may make the situation better.
Encouraging Your Friend to Seek Help
It can be hard to talk to your friend about their drinking, so before you have that conversation, it can help to gather your thoughts and educate yourself about alcohol addiction. Try writing your concerns down so you know what you want to say, then find a good time to talk to your friend when they’re sober. If you talk to your friend while they’re drinking, they might react badly or not really hear what you’re saying. Meeting your friend for coffee or taking a walk can be a good way to start talking. You might begin by asking your friend how they’re doing and expressing your concern directly. Tell them clearly, without judgment, what you’ve noticed and where it might lead if they keep drinking. If your friend acknowledges your concerns or admits that they have a problem, listen to their response without interrupting, then ask what you can do to help. If they say that they’re fine or refuse help, be patient; getting through to them might take time.
When you’re talking to your friend about their alcoholism, don’t criticize or lecture them, and avoid ultimatums. If they feel you’re attacking them and get defensive or argumentative, it could damage the relationship. If your friend feels vulnerable or threatened, they may not be willing to listen to you. Being confrontational, making accusations, and trying to shame or manipulate your friend could make them feel worse and discourage positive change.
Suggesting Treatment Options
If your friend seems open to getting help for their alcoholism, it’s a good idea to have an idea about which treatments might help. Researching the different types of treatment options can equip you to offer the resources and support they need to move forward.
Treating alcohol use disorder usually involves detoxification, followed by counseling or therapy in an inpatient or outpatient rehab program. If you know about a good treatment program in the area, you might take your friend there or give them the center’s contact information so they can make the call. You can also ask your friend what they need and offer tangible help like driving them to support group meetings, helping them with errands, or caring for their pets as they recover. Try to balance your needs with being available for your friend, and be a good listener. Consider exchanging phone numbers with other supportive friends and family members so if there’s an emergency, someone will always be able to help.
Prioritizing Self-Care
Being there for an alcoholic isn’t easy, and it can affect your own well-being. To protect your own health, you need to prioritize your health and ask for any support you need.
Protecting Yourself from Burnout
It can be stressful to care for an alcoholic friend, and sometimes, you may need to keep a little distance to maintain your own mental health. This can keep you from getting burned out or feeling too down when your friend is struggling. You may want to ask your friends and family for support or seek out a group like Al-Anon. This community of people with alcoholic loved ones meets to encourage one another through difficult times. They can understand what you’re going through and help you stay resilient. Your local hospital, faith community, or community center may also have special programs for friends of people with drinking problems. If you’re finding it hard to deal with your emotions, professional counseling can help, especially if you feel anxious or depressed. Remember—you are not in this alone, so when you’re with people you trust, speak honestly so you can receive the guidance you need.
Here’s how to care for yourself while you’re supporting your friend:
Honor Your Own Needs
Although it might be difficult, try not to let your concern for your friend chip away at your own happiness. Make time in your day to play sports, visit a museum, or do something else you enjoy. Avoid drama and prioritize your own work, family, and social life.
Manage Your Stress
Worrying about an alcoholic friend can wear down your body and mind, so you need to find ways to process your emotions and stay calm. Good nutrition, regular exercise, meditation, and deep sleep can help you feel calmer, less stressed, and more positive during the day.
Honor Your Boundaries
Watching your alcoholic friend struggle can be upsetting, but you can’t make them change their behavior. Don’t let your friend’s problems take over your life; you are not their doctor, therapist, or guardian. Set limits and communicate them clearly to maintain a balanced life.
Keep in mind that dealing with a friend’s alcoholism will naturally influence your own thoughts and actions. Recognizing and pulling back from potentially enabling behaviors can help you be a better friend and maintain your own happiness. You are not responsible for your friend’s recovery, but with the right tools, you can help make their path easier.
Resources for Support
If you’re supporting an alcoholic friend, there are plenty of resources that can provide encouragement, including:
- Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): A renowned program for those looking to achieve sobriety, AA offers group meetings across the globe where members share experiences, build resilience, and provide mutual support in a judgment-free environment.
- Al-Anon: This mutual support program offers in-person, call-in, online, and international group meetings that help friends and families of alcoholics. By sharing their experiences, Al-Anon members learn ways to deal with a loved one’s addiction.
- Alateen: This program is for teens who are affected by a friend or loved one’s drinking. It is based on the Al-Anon program and offers similar modes of support.
- Adult Children of Alcoholics: This program helps adults who grew up with alcoholic parents in dysfunctional homes. Anyone who wants to recover from this trauma can join.
- SMART Recovery Family & Friends: This secular, science-based alternative to Al-Anon is based on the SMART Recovery and CRAFT (Community Reinforcement Approach & Family Training) methodology. It helps teens and adults who are dealing with their loved ones’ alcoholism through in-person or online group therapy.
- NAMI Family Support Group: These confidential, free, and peer-led support groups help friends, family members, and significant others of people with mental health conditions, including conditions related to alcoholism.
- Families Anonymous: This online group helps families and friends who are dealing with the destructive behavior of an alcoholic loved one.
- SAMHSA: The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is a federal agency that works to improve mental health, prevent substance misuse, and provide equitable treatment and support for recovery.
- SAMHSA also offers resources for friends and loved ones who are coping with a loved one’s alcoholism.
Helping an Alcoholic Friend Can Be Key to Their Recovery
Supporting an alcoholic friend through their journey to long-term recovery can be challenging but immensely rewarding. Being there as they navigate addiction treatment allows them to see they’re not alone and can reinforce their commitment to change. Family therapy sessions and involvement with treatment facilities, such as a rehab facility or treatment center, can provide added support structures that benefit both the individual and their loved ones. By being a positive influence in your friend’s life while respecting their boundaries, you help them retain their dignity and encourage sustainable progress. With your support, they can work toward lasting recovery and renewed confidence.
Published on: 2024-12-05
Updated on: 2024-12-19