Understanding Dysfunctional Roles in Families

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Ideally, your family will love you for who you are and be there to build you up when you need help. However, there is no guarantee that your family is going to serve any type of meaningful role in your life. In fact, you may be part of a dysfunctional family unit that actively hinders you and makes it necessary to take drastic steps to cope with what you’re dealing with. This family dysfunction can significantly impact your mental health and well-being. Let’s take a closer look at the various types of dysfunctional family roles and how these dysfunctional family dynamics may increase your risk of substance abuse and addiction.

Common Roles in Dysfunctional Families

The Hero:
A person who plays this role often feels the need to be an overachiever. They believe that success in their own life will make it possible to minimize or hide their family problems. Unfortunately, no amount of personal success will truly heal someone who really just wants to have a happy and loving family to share their accomplishments with. In many cases, the need to drown out the drama with constant success leads to anxiety, perfectionism, and other negative emotions.

The Scapegoat (or Problem Child):
A scapegoat is someone who is blamed for all of the family’s problems. For instance, everyone in your family may blame you for their issues even though you did nothing to cause them. This can lead to negative feelings and low self-esteem. Over time, you may decide that there is little to live for and try to drown or numb your sorrows with alcohol, drugs, or other substances.

The Lost Child:
Like the scapegoat, the lost child tends to feel as if they don’t matter to the rest of the family. They may feel safer simply fading into the background instead of trying to earn the love and validation of their parents or siblings. This can result in an inability to form healthy relationships later in life, and they may try to overcome their loneliness by drinking or using drugs.

The Mascot:
They say that using humor can be the safest way to tell the truth without getting hurt. If you are the mascot of your family, you’ll often tell jokes or engage in sarcasm as a method of lashing out without drawing too much attention to your situation. However, it’s difficult to be funny or outgoing on a whim, and you may turn to drugs or alcohol to maintain the fake persona that you’ve created to keep the peace in the family.

The Enabler:
The last of the common roles is the person who denies that there is a problem that needs to be solved. If you fit this role, you may try to minimize the risks of your addiction by convincing yourself that you’re not an addict. You may also try to keep other family members addicted or point to their addiction as a justification for your own actions.

The Golden Child:
This child is often seen as the “perfect” one and held up as an example for others in the family. This can lead to pressure to maintain this image and a fear of failure.

The Black Sheep:
This individual is often seen as the outcast or rebel of the family. They may engage in unhealthy behaviors to get attention or to express their frustration with the family system.

The Peacemaker:
This person tries to avoid family conflict at all costs. They may take on a caregiver or caretaker role, putting the needs of others before their own needs. This can lead to codependency and resentment.

Overcoming Family Dynamics Through Therapy

Family dynamics often feel like they are set in stone. This is because you’ve probably spent years or decades molding yourself into what you think others want you to be or what has helped you survive until you were able to live on your own.

Of course, even if you do live on your own, it’s difficult not to fall back into familiar roles when interacting with your family. For instance, you may still need to use humor to deflect off-color jokes about your siblings or have a few beers before eating dinner because you just don’t care to debate your uncle any longer.

Therapy can help you understand that you aren’t responsible for the emotional needs or feelings of your parents or siblings. In fact, you aren’t required to spend time with people who act in a manner that you don’t find appealing.

Ultimately, therapy can help you develop self-awareness, build a stronger sense of self, and foster healthier relationships. You can start to retake control over your own life and reduce your risk of falling into drug or alcohol addiction. If you are already dependent on drugs or alcohol, therapy can help you understand what your triggers are and how to manage them.

The Different Forms of Therapy

There are several different ways to get the help that you need, and depending on your circumstances, you may want to incorporate several of these techniques into your overall plan. For instance, you may want to engage in both individual therapy and family therapy.

Individual therapy gives you a platform to speak freely and obtain the tools needed to communicate with your family members. Family therapy gives you a chance to speak directly to loved ones about your experiences in an environment where you won’t be judged.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), EMDR, and other types of treatments can help you rewire your brain. Over time, you’ll learn how to better manage your emotions and reframe your thoughts in a more positive or neutral manner.

In addition to potentially developing better relationships with your family members, you’ll also get a better handle on your addiction. Ultimately, you can look forward to a better quality of life, whether your birth family is a part of it or not.

You Can’t Overcome Addiction on Your Own

It’s critical to understand that you cannot overcome addiction without some sort of help. This is because your mind and body are under the control of whatever substance you have altered them with, and for the rest of your life, your body will crave those substances no matter how long it has been since you’ve used them.

It’s also important to understand that even if you are able to get one addiction in check, it’s fairly easy to become addicted to something else. For instance, you may find that you don’t drink alcohol when you use marijuana or when you go to the casino. However, over time, you may become addicted to marijuana or gambling because your mind is literally wired to find something to distract yourself from reality.

Therefore, if you want to give yourself the best chance for living a sober life, it’s critical that you seek out a rehab program in your area. Depending on the severity of your addiction, it may be wise to start in an inpatient program before you transition to an outpatient program.

Inpatient programs give you the ability to detox under the watchful eye of a trained medical professional. It also gives you access to therapists and other resources that you’ll need to navigate sober living and your transition to the outside world. Outpatient programs generally consist of meetings and trips to your doctor’s office for medication that you can’t dispense on your own.

When Do You Know It’s Time to Seek Help?

There are several signs that you should seek help for your addiction. First, it’s time to seek help when you can’t go more than a few minutes without consuming alcohol or using drugs. You should also be concerned if you can’t spend those few minutes without thinking about your next hit or next drink.

Of course, you can seek help for family issues or dependency issues no matter how bad you think that they are. Getting assistance from a professional can help you learn healthy coping mechanisms, improve your mental health, and help you get and stay on the road to sobriety both now and for years to come.

If You’re the Loved One of an Addict

If your spouse, sibling, or other family member is an addict because of issues related to a dysfunctional family, there are steps that you can take to help. These steps may include getting yourself into therapy to deal with the drama you experience spending time with your in-laws or members of your own family. You may also want to pass along the names and contact information of treatment providers such as Live Free Recovery Services.

If you are in need of help for drug or alcohol addiction, our team is ready to help you today. Whether your dependency stems from family issues or any other source, we have the tools and resources needed to help you live a sober life now and well into the future. You can get in touch with us today to learn more about our services and how to get started. We also encourage loved ones to reach out on behalf of their siblings, spouses, or parents to push them toward the help that they need.