The Silent Struggle: Supporting and Coping as a Sibling of an Alcoholic

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Is your brother or sister suffering from alcohol dependency? Alcohol dependency, also referred to as alcohol use disorder, can deeply affect not only the individual but also their family members, including siblings. If you have an alcoholic sibling, you may notice they have trouble controlling their drinking. Some siblings of addicts find that their brother or sister will hide bottles around the house or deny drinking, even when they obviously smell like liquor or beer.

Unfortunately, when an immediate family member has an addiction to alcohol, it can take a toll on the entire family. As a sibling with addiction in the family, you might feel tired, stressed, angry, bitter, and fed-up. If you’re a younger sibling, you may also feel fearful, worried for their health and well-being, and uncertain about where to find professional help for both of you. These feelings are completely normal.

Let’s take a look at the challenges siblings of alcoholics face and how you can get support for yourself and your brother or sister.

Understanding the Impact of a Sibling’s Alcoholism

When your brother or sister is dependent on alcohol, it can feel overwhelming. You may be concerned about their well-being. You may fear how your sibling acts when he or she has been drinking. You may even feel resentment because your family is putting them first and ignoring your needs.

The truth is that alcoholism takes a toll on the entire family, not just the addict. You may feel like your sibling and/or parents have broken your trust. Maybe your sibling has promised to stop drinking, but they never do, and as a result, your sibling and your parents have missed many major events in your life, like birthday parties, graduations and awards ceremonies. You may even feel unloved because your sibling’s addiction has taken center stage. If you are feeling some of these emotions or all of them, you need to know that it’s okay to feel the way that you do.

Roles that Family Members Can Fall into When One Person Is Suffering From Alcoholism

When one member of a family is suffering from alcoholism, the other members may fall into certain roles. In order to help your brother or sister, you should understand what those roles are and how people behave in them.

• Clown – The clown tends to make excuses for the alcoholic or minimizes the impact. They may say that the situation isn’t that bad, or they may make jokes about the alcoholic’s behavior.
• Dependent – The dependent is the one suffering from alcohol use disorder. They may spend too much money on alcohol, miss work and hide adult beverage bottles around the house.
• Enabler – This person helps the individual get alcohol. They may even give them money for alcohol and help them with their daily tasks.
• Hero – The hero is the family member who does everything they can to make sure that the family still functions normally.
• Lost Child – The lost child is the one that is considered to be fine. This individual often tries very hard not to upset anyone. They may also be subjected to neglect.
• Scapegoat The scapegoat is the family member who is blamed for everything, whether it’s his or her fault or not. This individual can’t do anything right in the eyes of their family, no matter what they do or don’t do.

A Sibling’s Alcoholism Can Affect Mental Health

A sibling’s addiction to alcohol can affect the other siblings’ mental health. These family members may feel anxious, stressed and frustrated if they have to interact with the addicted sibling.

• Anxious – Interacting with the dependent individual may make you or your family members feel anxious because they never know how that person will react.
• Stressed – You and your family members may feel stressed over finances or because you’re not sure where to get help for your brother or sister.
• Frustrated – You may feel frustrated with your family dynamics, especially if you find yourself and the other members of your family falling into the roles of clown, scapegoat, enabler and hero.

Setting Boundaries and Protecting Mental Health

Having a sibling with alcoholism can be challenging. You may be angry with them for neglecting their family responsibilities and putting hardship on the rest of the family. You may also feel conflicted because you want to help them feel better about themselves and recover from their addiction. However, you shouldn’t help or enable your sibling so much that you neglect your own mental health. In order to help ensure that you don’t give too much of yourself, you need to be able to set boundaries and stick to them.

When you set a boundary, it means that you will no longer do a certain thing. An example of a boundary is telling yourself that you will no longer give your addicted sibling any more money for alcohol and then following through with your pledge. For your own mental and emotional health, you might choose to set additional boundaries.

• You might decide to let your sibling experience the consequences of their actions. For example, if they’re in school and struggling, you’ll no longer help them with their homework or take them to class when they’re too hungover to drive.
• If your sibling always makes a scene at family events, you might tell them that they are no longer welcome, unless they’re sober.
• If your sibling is living with you, you might tell them that they need to find another place to stay, unless they commit to getting treatment.

Setting boundaries can be difficult. After all, you still love your brother or sister, and you want them to feel loved and appreciated, and you want to help make his or her life less stressful. However, you also need to pay attention to your own physical and mental well-being. Setting boundaries and sticking to them can help you step back and assess the relationship you have with your sibling and yourself. It gives you time to breathe and to figure out your own mind. It also helps you reset your relationship with your sibling so that it’s healthy and respectful, and when your sibling is finally ready for treatment, setting boundaries can help you from falling back into old routines, like enabling your sibling.

How to Support a Sibling without Enabling

It is possible to help your sibling recover from their drinking problem or substance use disorder without enabling them. Listening to your sibling’s concerns and worries, and validating how they feel, can make a meaningful difference. You can also encourage your sibling to take responsibility for their actions, rather than making excuses or covering for them.

Another way to support your sibling is by researching addiction, substance abuse, and alcoholism. Educating yourself about substance use disorders, including the challenges of withdrawal symptoms and the effects of both alcohol and drug use, can provide you with insights into the disease and ways to offer additional support. You might also help them explore substance abuse treatment options, including drug addiction programs if applicable, and assist in locating treatment centers, such as Live Free Recovery Centers in New Hampshire.

Seeking Support for Oneself

While you’re researching treatment centers for your brother or sister, remember to look up professional help for yourself. Consider joining sibling support groups and scheduling individual therapy sessions. Sibling support groups can help validate how you feel while listening to your concerns and hardships. You can also learn from other people who have been in your situation. Getting therapy can help you work through your traumas, understand your emotions and help you grow as a person. Additionally, some treatment centers offer family therapy. These sessions can help you work through your mental and emotional health issues as a family, and they can help all of you develop new, healthy coping strategies for stress, fear and anxiety.

Resources for Support

There are lots of support groups for siblings as well as information on alcohol use disorder.

• New Hampshire DHHS – Find individual and family support services
• Alcoholics Anonymous – support groups for alcoholics
• Al-Anon – family support groups
• Herron Groups – Sibling support groups for siblings who have addicted family member
• National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism – Information on Alcoholism

Conclusion

If you have a sibling with alcohol use disorder, you can find help and support for both yourself and your brother or sister in New Hampshire. At Live Free Recovery Services, we offer comprehensive addiction treatment options for men and women suffering from alcohol addiction. Our treatment programs include detox assistance and both inpatient and outpatient services, along with multiple types of therapy tailored to individual needs. We also provide family therapy so that everyone in your household can work toward recovery together.

If you’re ready to explore these options or would like more information about our rehab center, give us a call today.