An addiction to alcohol has a tremendous impact on the individual, often affecting multiple areas, including finances, social life, and physical health. Substance abuse and substance use disorders, including drug addiction, can also lead to similar challenges.
For spouses of alcoholics, including wives of alcoholic husbands or partners, the hardship can be profound. This impact may be direct, such as deteriorating communication and escalating stress between them, or indirect, as wives may experience feelings of helplessness while watching their alcoholic spouse’s life deteriorate, often along with their own well-being. For many, the challenges extend to managing the family dynamic, especially when children are involved and dealing with the effects of an alcoholic parent’s behavior.
One of the most important considerations for the wife of an alcoholic is finding a balance between caring for their partner and taking care of themselves and others in the family. This balance is crucial for maintaining a stable, healthy environment despite the struggles related to substance abuse, drug use, or alcohol dependency.
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The Impact of Alcoholism on Marriage and Family Life
Wives of alcoholics usually experience a tremendous amount of emotional and physical stress as a result of being in this difficult situation.
Anxiety often occurs because of how unpredictably someone who is addicted to alcohol tends to act. That person simply not being able to take care of themself is another cause of stress for their wife and others who care for them.
In many cases, alcoholics are not only neglecting themselves but are also ignoring the needs of their spouse and children. That neglect of children can show itself in not picking them up from school and not ensuring that they are being given dinner.
All of the time that the wife of someone who is addicted to alcohol spends on her loved one, doing her best to help them recover, will oftentimes have detrimental effects on her own life. As a result, she may begin taking care of herself less and less.
Financial difficulties that have a direct effect on an alcoholic’s wife, children and others can also occur. This is not only due to all of the money that is being spent on alcohol but can also include poor financial decisions. For example, increased and risky gambling often occurs.
Physical harm – domestic violence – is also more likely.
As a result of some or all of these factors, the wife in this situation may experience decreased mental health.
You may start suffering from alcoholism as well, partially due to how accessible alcoholic beverages tend to be in these circumstances and how often you witness someone consuming them.
Different types of addiction may also occur, such as addictions to other kinds of substances, gambling, food, video games or shopping.
If you are the wife of an alcoholic, it is important to navigate the feelings of stress, frustration, guilt and isolation that you may be experiencing since your spouse is not the only one who is going through a difficult time. You are also suffering and need to take care of yourself and do your best to avoid burnout and, more significantly, a mental breakdown.
How Wives Can Support Their Spouse’s Recovery
There are several ways you can support your spouse’s recovery while also ensuring that your own health is being taken care of.
Research what an alcoholic is experiencing, including not just right now but also what likely brought them to this point and what are the potential ways out of it and towards a new life. Doing so will not only provide you with practical ways to help your spouse, but understanding more clearly what is going on will likely have a positive impact on your own mental state as your confusion and sense of feeling overwhelmed lessen.
Be clear with your partner that you still care for them even though it may not seem like it from their altered perspective.
The words “tough love” are often used in this type of situation. You want to show your love for your spouse while also not enabling them, which can be a difficult line to define and not cross, especially since enabling can put both peoples’ minds at ease in the moment before backfiring as far as the big picture is concerned. For example, providing free housing can be just what an alcoholic needs if it is accompanied by them getting treatment. However, that same free housing can be a detriment, a sign of enabling, if it instead allows that person to more easily continue drinking.
You should also not help an alcoholic recover from hangovers. This is an act that is not necessarily a negative when that assistance is given in reference to a person who drinks seldomly and is not addicted to the substance, but it can be a clear sign of enabling someone when it is done for an alcoholic.
One way to think about enabling is that when an alcoholic is placed in a situation where they need to decide between continuing to drink and instead having shelter, food and a steady income, they become more likely to select the latter and get help. Conversely, enabling will usually reduce significantly the possibility of that latter type of situation occurring and, as a result, decrease the likelihood of an alcoholic getting help.
Talking to Your Spouse About Their Alcohol Problem
It is also important to talk directly with your spouse about their drinking problem or consider a multi-person intervention involving friends and family members. During this discussion, be clear about how their alcohol abuse and drinking problem are affecting you and others. Emphasize the impact on the family’s well-being and quality of life, while keeping an open mind to their response. If possible, conduct this meeting when everyone involved is sober and hold it in a quiet, private, and safe space without any time pressure.
If you prefer to speak with your spouse in a one-on-one setting, it can be helpful to have at least one other adult present or nearby, especially if the conversation might become challenging. Encourage them to seek professional help, such as healthcare or psychiatry services, family therapy, or a detox program to stop drinking and address their alcohol addiction. Engaging in this type of intervention with compassion and clear intentions can support their journey to improved mental health, coping mechanisms, and overall well-being.
Self-Care and Building a Support Network
As for taking care of yourself as the wife of an alcoholic, there are several ways you can directly engage in self-care and build and maintain a support network.
One way that many receive support as well as information about how to effectively handle this type of difficult situation is through the joining of a support group.
A popular one is Al-Anon. It is a non-religious spiritual group that focuses on helping those who are not alcoholics themselves but have had their lives adversely affected by one. The same services are provided regardless of whether or not your spouse has realized that they are an alcoholic or has sought help.
Alateen is a related group. It is for those who are experiencing this type of situation as teenagers, so this organization could fit your circumstances if you are a young couple.
One-on-one or group counseling, whether consisting of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) or otherwise, can also help you navigate these challenges.
Activities to Support Your Well-being
As for things to do on your own, taking part in activities such as deep breathing, meditation and physical exercise can help significantly.
Socializing more with others outside of your immediate family, such as with other family members and close friends, can help you process and handle things more effectively as well as gain valuable outside perspectives of what you are going through. This socialization is especially important to consider because many in your situation tend to isolate and withdraw, which generally results in negative repercussions.
Considering the Needs of Other Family Members
It can also help a lot to have the assistance of others as that relates to things like taking care of your children, transporting family members where they need to go and chores, such as shopping and cleaning, all of which you may have fallen behind on in lieu of doing your best to take care of your spouse.
On a related note, make sure that any children and others in the household also have tools to help them handle this as best as they can.
Assessing Your Relationship and Setting Boundaries
Ending your relationship may be necessary and is not abnormal in these types of situations as alcohol use disorders generally result in lower marital satisfaction while the husband suffering from alcoholism is the third-most common reason given by wives for ending the marriage. Leaving temporarily is another option that many spouses do in lieu of divorce.
Conclusion
The bottom line is that you are not alone, and support is often essential when addressing addiction. Whether you’re exploring addiction treatment options, considering treatment programs, or deciding between outpatient and inpatient care, there are resources to support you. If you would like to discuss your situation, as well as that of your spouse, reach out to us at Live Free Recovery Services today. Our team is trained in handling these situations and understands how addiction impacts not only the individual but also their loved ones. We are here to help everyone involved find a safe, healthy path forward, providing guidance across various treatment centers and programs.
Published on: 2024-12-05
Updated on: 2024-12-05