What would you do if you thought your neighbor had an alcohol addiction? Some people in that situation don’t do anything — not because they don’t care but because they feel it’s not their place to say anything. Others might believe that they wouldn’t be helpful at all.
In truth, however, we can often do a world of good for our neighbors. Indeed, when it comes to a neighbor’s alcohol use disorder, you might be the only person who could intervene before it’s too late.
Signs Your Neighbor Has an Alcohol Dependence
When you encounter your neighbor, maybe they’re often intoxicated, or they often smell of alcohol.
On the other hand, sometimes it’s hard to tell when a neighbor has a substance use disorder. That’s because, in many cases, we don’t have a close-up view of our neighbors. Rather, our contact with them might be infrequent or fleeting.
Therefore, you might not actually see your neighbor drinking. And you might not notice certain symptoms of alcoholism: for example, personality changes, mood swings, anxiety, or depression.
But here are some other signs that your neighbor may be struggling with this problem:
- alcoholic beverage cans or bottles littering their property — or yours
- social withdrawal
- erratic driving
- yelling or loud fighting in their home
- sudden unemployment
- an unkempt house: unmowed lawn, a badly needed paint job, and so forth
Why You Should Approach Your Neighbor
Even if you think that your neighbor’s battling addiction, you might not want to get involved. Indeed, it’s easy to come up with excuses not to do so:
- “I don’t want to seem like a nosy neighbor.”
- “I always mind my own business.”
- “I wouldn’t want my neighbors intruding in my personal life, so I shouldn’t intrude in theirs.”
- “It’s up to my neighbor’s friends or family members to discuss it with them, not me.”
In actuality, however, it’s wise to talk with your neighbor about their excessive alcohol consumption.
Safety Concerns
For starters, when a person has an alcohol dependency, it increases the odds of a serious accident. And household accidents can affect people’s neighbors as well as themselves.
For example, if your neighbor were intoxicated while cooking or smoking, they might fall asleep. A fire could then start, and that fire could spread to your own house or apartment.
Likewise, if your neighbor drove while drunk, they might hit another car, a pedestrian, or a dog in your neighborhood. They could even crash into someone’s home.
The Power of Compassion
There’s also the matter of basic human empathy here. What if your neighbor has been able to hide their alcoholism from friends and family? Or what if their friends and relatives know about the alcohol use disorder but have chosen not to talk about it?
Under these circumstances, should your neighbor just be left alone? Should they be, in a sense, condemned to suffer and deteriorate in isolation? In some cases, such a situation could amount to a death sentence.
Yes, many people are so uncomfortable with this topic that they avoid it altogether. But the results can be catastrophic.
When Neighbors Intercede
In some ways, you’re the ideal person to discuss alcoholism with your neighbor. That’s because your neighbor will likely see you as an impartial and neutral observer. You can’t be accused of having ulterior motives or axes to grind. Thus, you seem much more trustworthy.
By contrast, your neighbor might view certain friends or family members as biased due to personal issues: grudges, broken promises, or past slights. Alternatively, your neighbor might think that their friends or relatives simply care too much, that they’re being overdramatic or overprotective. Either way, their credibility becomes suspect.
How to Approach Your Neighbor
Obviously, any conversations about a person’s alcoholism can be awkward and painful.
However, if you discuss this topic in a certain way, it should lead to improved outcomes. And then your neighbor could have the best possible chance to win the fight against alcoholism.
Creating a Safe Space
Difficult conversations call for peaceful and supportive environments.
With that in mind — and only if you feel safe doing so — you might invite your neighbor over to your home for a snack, a barbecue, or a light lunch on a day when no one else is home.
After the two of you eat, you could sit together in a quiet room — a spot with no other distractions — and begin your talk.
During this discussion, voice your concerns and the specific red flags that you’ve noticed. While doing so, though, keep emphasizing how much you appreciate this person and how worried you are about their health and well-being.
In addition, it’s important to stay calm throughout, maintaining a friendly tone and speaking in a gentle voice.
Avoiding Blame
Throughout this talk with your neighbor, steer clear of accusatory language. Instead, emphasize how this person is not at fault and how millions of people around the world are currently battling this disorder.
If you or a loved one have ever had a substance use disorder, you might want to mention those struggles. That way, your neighbor might feel more of a connection with you, and they may trust what you’re saying more. (Naturally, you should only discuss your personal issues if you feel comfortable doing so.)
During this conversation, you could also stress that substance use disorders are physical and chemical in nature, just like all other human diseases and disorders.
Finally, it’s better not to tell the person to get help. If it sounds like you’re just giving them orders, they’re more likely to take offense or resist what you’re saying.
Instead, you could present the idea of professional treatment as an option, one that’s worth thinking about. Again, if you have personal experience with addiction treatment and don’t mind talking about it, you could share with your neighbor how much it has helped you or someone you love.
Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Safety
In all of this, it’s crucial to protect yourself.
For sure, you should maintain friendly interactions with your neighbor. But you should also stay alert to behaviors that could endanger you, your loved ones, or your property.
While compassion is crucial, you should not tolerate illegal acts that threaten people’s safety. Therefore, if you ever suspect your neighbor of physical abuse, drunk driving, property damage, or any other crime, call the police right away.
Likewise, you should not do anything to enable your neighbor’s addiction. If they ask you to serve them an alcoholic beverage, drive them to a bar or liquor store, hide their alcohol, or lie to anyone about their whereabouts at a certain time, tell them you’ll never do such a thing. You could be polite, but being firm is necessary.
Similarly, if your neighbor becomes hostile or threatening in any way during your conversation, ask them respectfully to leave your home.
Resources for Assistance
If your neighbor refuses to listen to you during your talk, know that you’re not alone. Rather, help is always available.
You could call an addiction treatment center, an addiction therapist, or an intervention specialist.
Special helplines are open as well. One example is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
To search for a local treatment center or to find other helplines, you could visit https://findtreatment.gov/.
If you live in or near New Hampshire, you could contact Live Free Recovery Services. These renowned addiction treatment centers are located in Manchester and Keene.
Live Free Recovery Services offers proven therapies and personalized care to each of its residents and outpatients. And its expert team members could give you more information about its services.
Neighbors Helping Neighbors
Helping your neighbor, especially one struggling with issues like drinking alcohol or other challenges, requires compassion and empathy balanced with firmness and resolve. It also requires you to protect your own life and well-being while offering meaningful support.
If your alcoholic neighbor is in recovery or seeking help, let them know you’re available to listen if they want to talk. You might also offer a ride to a medical facility, a detox center, a treatment center, or a mental health specialist. Small acts of kindness can go a long way in building trust and fostering recovery.
At the same time, it’s important to communicate boundaries. Make them aware that you’ll never do anything dishonest or enable harmful behaviors, such as helping them acquire alcohol. If the situation escalates or if you feel your safety is at risk, call the authorities or social services immediately. Balancing support with boundaries is essential.
Recognizing the surprisingly difficult truth, being a good neighbor sometimes involves hard decisions. It’s not easy to face the adverse consequences of setting limits, but it’s necessary for the benefit of both parties. If the situation becomes overwhelming, it’s important to protect your well-being first.
With the right approach, you can protect yourself while showing your neighbor true empathy and friendship. Whether it’s helping them seek resources, offering a listening ear, or maintaining healthy boundaries, your actions can have a secret power to inspire change. With that kind of support, anything is possible—even for the drinker next door.