Try This: Imagine that wherever you go today, you are inside a big bubble of light.
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Loki, the trickster god in Norse mythology, gets his kicks by causing chaos wherever he turns. You could even say he’s addicted to chaos, in that it drives his actions even though it repeatedly gets him into trouble and hurts everyone around him.
No matter the substance or behavior, it could be argued that the root of many addictions is an addiction to chaos, or drama. Wanting to break the monotony of life, wanting to feel something can lead to an obsessive pursuit of the “high” that drama can provide.
“Dependency on crisis and chaos” is how Dr. Scott Lyons describes an addiction to drama, and his book, Addicted to Drama, details how the brain reacts to drama the same way it reacts to drugs. That’s why an addiction to chaos often pairs well with addiction to substances.
We all seek drama to some extent–it’s hard not to in this action-packed and information-saturated world. But when you’re in addiction recovery, drama-seeking can be dangerous. It can lead to relapse.
Here are some ways we fuel the chaos in our lives:
- Catastrophizing – making mountains out of molehills
- Exaggerating – includes using the words “always” and “never” frequently
- Venting to multiple people about the same thing
- Complaining a lot
- Piling extra work and responsibilities on yourself (so you have a reason to vent about how busy you are)
- Always multitasking (to keep tension high)
- Seeking conflict – being argumentative as a default way of relating to people
- Frequent physical illnesses, injuries, pain
Some might call these behaviors part of a “passion-filled” life. And sure, there’s a reward for being passionate: attention. You become the star of a movie about your life. But you also invite a lot of extra–and usually unnecessary–pain.
Why is chaos-avoidance so important in addiction recovery?
It’s easy to use drama/chaos as an excuse to use again. My life is so stressful! I have so much on my plate! I have chronic pain! All of these things can build up to a point where we convince ourselves we need–deserve!–a break. And to someone in recovery, the “break” is often the use of drugs or alcohol.
How do you wean yourself from an attachment to drama?
First, remember that it’s not your fault. Like other addiction, an addiction to drama forms because of childhood experiences and how the brain develops. It’s also very, very difficult to avoid drama in our current culture, which thrives on it.
So start by noticing how you react to things and how you tell stories about your life–to others and to yourself. Then, practice narrating your experiences more like an objective report rather than a suspenseful novel. This doesn’t mean you can’t perform a story now and then to make your audience laugh or empathize. But if turning your life into a movie is a regular habit, and if doing so sparks conflict with others or leads to extra pain or stress, try something different.
In addition:
- Work with a therapist. Healing the traumas, little or big, that led to your craving for attention and validation will help you seek peace over chaos.
- Change the way to talk to and about yourself. For example, “This always happens to me!” can become “This is what happened today, and this is how it affected me.”
- Give yourself the attention you crave from others. You could write out your experiences and feelings in a journal. You could create a time each day to “listen” to yourself.
- Avoid venting. Venting is not the same as sharing a difficulty with a friend. The goal of venting is to stir up emotions and get the listener fired up, too. The goal of sharing a difficulty with a friend (or therapist) is to get perspective and find a solution.
- Avoid social media. At the very least, set some boundaries around it.
- Avoid news that speculates and catastrophizes rather than providing factual information.
What does drama withdrawal feel like? Until you get used to it, reducing the chaos in your life might feel like:
- Boredom
- Fear that you’re becoming boring
- Sadness
- Giving up
- Resignation
As with any addiction, withdrawal can leave you feeling empty and restless. Tell your inner Loki to stick with it. As you become used to a life free of chaos, you’ll come to appreciate it. The restless feelings will transmute, over time, into peace.