Try This: Roll down a grassy hill. If you’re unable to roll, spread a blanket on the grass and lie on it. Look at the clouds.
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People who are in addiction or mental health recovery know what it means to change. They have looked honestly at how they are stuck and taken steps to become unstuck, probably with great fear.
This is a huge victory to celebrate. Fear of change is so powerful. It keeps people in addiction. It keeps people mired in lives they tolerate but don’t love.
But even those who have made the big transition to recovery can still get stuck. The energy of life is always moving, always inviting us to open and change in new ways.
It’s so easy to get attached to habits and routines, to the qualities that we think define our identity. Addiction defined my old self; now [ ] defines my new self. That blank could be filled with words like “community service” or “wellness” or “AA” or “work” or “spirituality.” These are all good things. But they can still lead us to a place of stuck-ness, where we’re clinging to the familiar because it feels safe.
Safety is not something to take lightly if you’re in recovery. After all, relapse is real and, in a worst-case scenario, could mean death.
But is fear of relapse a good enough excuse to avoid further change? Consider this: resisting change can lead to stagnation. Stagnation can lead to restlessness, dissatisfaction, and frustration–all things that can inspire relapse.
What kinds of changes might someone in recovery be called to make?
- Ending a relationship
- Initiating new friendships
- Changing a relationship dynamic
- Setting new boundaries
- Starting a new exercise or eating plan
- Leaving a job or career
- Changing spending habits
- Exploring creative outlets
- Moving to a new living situation or home
- Getting comfortable with stillness, quiet, and lack of drama
Depending on your personality, you might find it easy to make big changes but then have a hard time settling into them. Or, you may resist change with every fiber of your being. Either way, not allowing change can lead to physical and emotional symptoms of stagnation:
- Chronic tiredness
- Insomnia, allergies, indigestion
- Increased anxiety or depression
- An intensification of cravings for substances
- Increased moodiness, maybe being more prone to anger or tears
- Restlessness or boredom
In short, if you’re feeling unsettled, tormented, or depressed, ask yourself if you’re resisting a change you need to make. Look closely at your current patterns. Get a sense of which ones are supporting your growth and which ones are keeping you stuck. Work with a therapist or sponsor if you need help with this self-analysis.
Once you turn and face your fears, you can take steps to move through the fear. Here are some ideas that might help guide you through this process:
- Exercise your sense of humor. This can be especially helpful when changes are occurring in your body (illness, age, weight gain or loss, etc.)
- When you feel your body or mind ratchet up in anxiety, take some slow, deep breaths. Remind yourself that you don’t have to believe everything you think.
- Incorporate more rest into your daily routine.
- Spend some time outside, do something creative, visit an art museum–do things that will take you out of your immediate worries and help you gain perspective.
Remember: change is part of the natural (and divine) course of life. Maybe you’re being called to make an external change in your environment, or maybe you’re being called to make an internal adjustment, a shift in attitude.
It’s quite the balancing act! To be responsive to change while also staying grounded can feel tricky. You won’t always get it right. Be okay with making mistakes along the way. Trust that the changes you need in your life will find you. You can choose to fight against them or to allow them. Both paths may inspire fear, but allowing change will keep you vital, responsive, and awake to everything life has to offer.