Let Them Meditate on Eating Cake

Try This: Sit quietly in a public space, in an out-of-the-way spot, and watch people’s faces.

“ “I’ve learned how to be in the present.”       “How?” asked the boy. “I find a quiet spot and shut my eyes and breathe.”       “That’s good, and then?” “Then I focus.”       “What do you focus on?” “Cake,” said the mole.  ~Charlie Murray, from The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse

Meditation: everyone’s doing it, even moles. Or at least everyone’s talking about doing it. How many people actually sit quietly and breathe every day is anyone’s guess. 

Maybe you’re tired of hearing about meditation. Maybe you’ve tried it and find it painfully boring or frustrating. Maybe it makes you feel like a failure. Or maybe you can get quiet for a few minutes but then get discouraged when all of the mental chaos returns as soon as you stop meditating.  

Meditation kind of mimics life in that way. You’re still you, sitting in that chair. You still have all of your hang-ups and reactions and feelings and worries. And it’s really hard to sit still with yourself and accept all of that humanness. But that’s kind of the point. The point is not to suddenly transform into a different, calmer person. The point is to observe who and where you actually are, and then…accept it. And to keep accepting it, over and over and over again. 

That said, it can be helpful to have little mental tricks to improve your ability to sit with yourself. One of these tricks is concentration. In the quote above, the mole chooses to focus on cake. He probably envisions his favorite cake in exquisite detail: shape, texture, size, color, smell, and all the aspects of taste. 

Some people might focus on a flower, picturing that flower’s colors, shape, smell. Or you could focus on a word. You could focus on a tree, a candle, your breath, a cup of tea. It really doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re giving your brain something to do instead of spinning on random thoughts. 

The thoughts will still arise, but when they do, you just say, “hey there, see ya,” and return to focusing on your word or image. With time, you might realize you don’t need the image or word anymore, that the sound and feeling of your own breath is enough to occupy your mind.

Now here’s a BIG QUESTION: Is it good for the mole to concentrate on cake if cake is addictive for the mole? 

I mean, we have to assume that the mole thinks of cake because the mole LOVES cake and is always hungry for it. But cake isn’t good for moles, especially if they overeat it. So does focusing on cake diminish or heighten the mole’s cravings for it? 

There’s a difference between thinking about something and meditating on it. Thinking can become obsessive. Thoughts (cake!) attach to feelings (I need cake to be happy!), which become cravings (must have cake now!). 

Meditation, on the other hand, is designed to create distance from thoughts. Concentration is done with intention and with a backdrop of calm, quiet breathing. 

So no. Don’t intentionally think about alcohol or drugs when you’re trying to avoid them. But if you’re feeling cravings, consider how focusing on those cravings in meditation can help you overcome them.

You might start by finding a quiet, safe place to close your eyes and notice your breath. Then, bring your craving into focus. Observe how your body is reacting to the craving. Are you tensing up in your head, shoulders, or stomach? Is your breathing getting shallow and quick? 

Keep returning to the breath, slowing it down, deepening it. Then, focus on the feeling that you want from the alcohol, drug, or food. How do you imagine it will make you feel? Notice where you feel the longing for it in your body. Does your heart ache? Does your body cry out for relief? Don’t try to solve or fix these feelings. Just observe them. Have compassion for yourself, feeling all of these difficult things.

Research shows that the worst of a craving passes within 10-20 minutes. Sometimes all you need to stop a craving is to take ten minutes to sit quietly and observe your body and your mind. 

PLEASE NOTE: Relapse is real. It can happen to anyone, at any time, and it doesn’t mean you have failed. If you have relapsed, check in with your addiction therapist to figure out next steps.

~

“I’ve discovered something better than cake.”

     “No, you haven’t,” said the boy.

“I have,” replied the mole.

     “What is it?”

“A hug. It lasts longer.”