Try This: Find an open space outside, like a field or a lake. Pick up a rock or stick and throw it as far as you can. If you don’t have an open space, throw a small stick. Or a very, very heavy rock.
“You experience low mood when there is a dilemma, and it is uncertain whether or not you should proceed or whether you should stop. And low mood forces you to think about the situation maybe longer than you would like.
“You experience low mood when there is a dilemma, and it is uncertain whether or not you should proceed or whether you should stop. And low mood forces you to think about the situation maybe longer than you would like. ~Dr. Jonathan Rottenberg, from the Hidden Brain episode “Rethinking Depression”
How comfortable are you with being sad, lethargic, or depressed? Do you think, “Huh. I’m feeling sad today. I wonder why?” Or do you think, “Oh no, I’m sad! What did I do wrong?”
Dr. Rottenberg, a psychology professor at Cornell University who struggled with debilitating depression for a number of years, believes that low moods are adaptive. In other words, sadness and depression are a response to our environment and a natural part of the spectrum of moods we experience. Even animals experience low moods sometimes. The problem is not the low mood. The problem is how we react to the low mood.
Many of us tend react in one of more of the following ways:
- We panic. We reach for anything we can to make ourselves feel good again.
- We blame ourselves. We must have done something wrong if we’re not happy.
- We blame other people: a demanding supervisor, a difficult child or spouse.
- We compare ourselves to others. Social media can give the impression that everyone else is feeling great. Why are we left out in the cold?
- We create a story about the mood, stories like, “I’m a failure” or “No one likes me.”
- We assume the mood is permanent: “How will I ever be happy again?”
Instead of feeling guilt, shame, or anxiety about a period of sadness or depression, consider this: low moods can be an important signal that something is not quite right in your environment. A low mood isn’t a sign that you’re defective: it’s probably a sign that something in your life needs to change.
How do you know what to change? How do you find the energy to do the work of change?
Keep it simple. Remember that first and foremost, depression wants you to pause. If nothing else, it wants you to slow down, rest, get perspective. So do those things. Maybe you’ll discover that a break is all you need. After some rest, your mood might return to normal.
If your low mood persists every day for a couple of weeks, add professional help to your toolbag: counseling and, at times, medication can give you enough distance from your sadness to figure out what is triggering it and how you can adapt that situation for the better.
So rather than push through the depression in a hurry to be happy again, let yourself slow down. Remind yourself that low moods are normal. And maybe someday, when the low mood has lifted, you’ll be grateful for its gifts:
- Increased empathy for others
- Feedback about the path you were on
- An invitation to transformation
A few more things to consider:
- Depression often co-occurs with behavioral or substance addiction. Sometimes it can be hard to tell which came first, the low mood or the addiction. While the principle of low mood being adaptive still holds true, remember that addiction makes everything feel worse and fuels whatever mood disorder might be present. This is why treatment should be designed to address both the depression and the addiction together.
- Depression is often a symptom of unhealed trauma. In this case, depression wants you to stop and deal with the pain. Therapy is crucial to help you acknowledge the trauma and to begin the journey to healing.
- Depression can be a response to hormonal shifts. It might be easy to write off this kind of depression as PMS, perimenopause, decreased testosterone, etc. But even in this case, depression is still adaptive. Again, the message might be to rest and reset. Or it might be to look again at a long-term dissatisfaction that has been simmering in the background. You’ve been able to put up with the problem so far, but the spike or drop in hormones reminds you that the problem still exists and still needs to be handled.
- If it’s really hard to pinpoint what might be causing a low mood, expand your concept of “environment.” Maybe your immediate situation is relatively stable. You have good relationships with loved ones, some good friends, a job you can tolerate. If so, there’s a chance your low mood isn’t coming from you. Maybe you’re picking up on a loved one’s low mood, or maybe you’re affected by the distress being experienced by people worldwide who are caught up in war and chaos.
One way to discern what’s going on is to get quiet and then ask yourself, “Is this mine?” If you become aware that the mood is not originating in you, send compassion to the person or situation in question; then, focus on what is yours.
- If you’re not sure what is causing your low mood, ask your Higher Power to help you transform the mood. Interestingly, it’s often in the asking that we realize we’re resisting a better mood–that for some reason we want to feel low. Now there’s something to explore in your journal or with a therapist!