Try This: Be like a baby and play with your toes for a few minutes. Give them some attention; they are like the small details of your life that appreciate being noticed.
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When it comes to social situations, some people are all in. They feel invigorated by interacting with others and have no fear of attention. Turns out that these people–also known as extroverts–are fairly rare. Most people fall in between extroversion and introversion: sometimes we love social situations, but sometimes we’d rather be alone. On the opposite end of the spectrum lie introverts: those who are drained by social interaction and are much more comfortable alone or with people they know well.
While we might associate introversion with social anxiety, introverts are not necessarily anxious around people. They may enjoy social stimulation but require a long time to regain their energy afterward. People with social anxiety experience significant fear at the prospect of interacting with others, usually because they fear rejection or being judged harshly. They “may avoid situations or environments because they worry about how they’ll be received, even if they want to join in” (Mental Health America).
If you are in recovery from substance use disorder, it’s likely that you struggle with social anxiety to some extent. You may even have social anxiety disorder, or, appropriately, SAD. In fact, you may have started using drugs or alcohol as a way to feel more relaxed with other people.
So now that you’re sober, you may find yourself having to re-learn how to be with people–or you may find yourself avoiding social situations altogether. If you suspect your social anxiety may go beyond the norm, seek professional treatment. Interventions for social anxiety disorder usually involve a combination of therapy and medication.
But even if you’re getting professional treatment, social situations can still feel exhausting and even dangerous to your recovery. So what can you do to keep yourself active socially while also protecting your sobriety? Here are some ideas to supplement treatment:
- Instead of trying to get rid of your anxiety, collaborate with it. So often, anxious people feel ashamed of their anxiety and/or of their inability to “fix” it. Anxiety is not your fault. So instead of beating yourself up about it, adopt an attitude of welcome. It’s like the line from the old Simon & Garfunkel song, “Hello darkness, my old friend.” Your anxiety is trying to protect you. You can say to it, “Hello again. Thank you for your service. Make yourself comfortable while I focus on some other things.” In this way, you’ll accomplish the paradoxical trick of being both anxious and calm at the same time. At the very least, you won’t be as anxious about being anxious!
- Ground yourself. Wherever you happen to be standing or sitting, feel your feet on the solid ground. Focus on this sensation of solidness. Keep part of your focus on your feet even as you interact with others.
- Focus on other people. Find someone at your social gathering who seems just as nervous or awkward as you’re feeling, and make it your goal to help them feel more at ease. Don’t know what to talk about? Ask a question. Some good conversation openers are “What’s the best [or hardest] thing about your job?” “What do you look forward to the most every day?” or “How do you spend your free time?”
- Practice, practice, practice. The temptation with social anxiety is to avoid social situations altogether. That’s how you end up isolated and lonely. Yes, sometimes loneliness may seem like an acceptable alternative to social anxiety, but the unfortunate (or maybe beautiful) truth is that we need people. In fact, research suggests that social connection is as much of a basic human need as food and shelter. And while you may never feel completely at ease at a party, you’ll feel more capable and confident the more you practice.
- If you’re afraid of judgement and rejection, remember that you’re not alone. Chances are high that most people in any given room, no matter how confident they seem, have similar fears. As author John Green shares in the quote above, sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to “suck.” So set aside perfectionism, allow yourself to fail, and know that most people will either forget about your blunders or forgive them. Those who don’t…well…let them go.
- Give yourself time to recover. Accept that you may need more recovery time than other people. Be firm about setting boundaries with friends, family members, or coworkers who want more of you than you’re ready to give. In other words, push yourself a little–but don’t let others push you.
And if you ever feel like social anxiety or anxiety of any kind will trigger substance use or self-harm, reach out to someone. You can reach out to our team here at Live Free. We can help you get your recovery back on track, with special attention to mitigating social anxiety.